So what to write about and how to write it? Do I post this blog as someone with a name, meaning I am open to attack, or do I stay anonymous and therefore open to attack, but not personal attack? Well that’s something that can be decided later.

For now, I’m cleaning up a bit around home, and I’ve found a heap of stuff that was written in my youth. One of those things were ideas I took to a writers meeting for a new show I was working on at Channel Seven. At the time I was still in school, but was thought of as having enough talent to possibly make it as a comedy writer. So I was given a go on the pilot of the show “Beat Up”. As those of you old enough to remember, the show never made it, although the pilot was considered for the pilot of a show about shows that never made it to air. That pilot never made it to air either.

Anyway, I thought I would share with you some of the things I thought funny at the time, and this is back in about 1992 or 1993, I really can’t remember exactly. These are just ideas for segments, and not full scripts.

Pie Police: PP’s walking around the footy with a heat detector, ensuring public safety at the footy where pies are actually meant to be cold on the inside. They spot a suspicious pie in the crowd, rush over, stick finger in the pie and burns hand. Pie Police say “Look at this, people are meant to be able to come to the footy safe in the knowledge their pie is cold on the inside, this could have been a major disaster.”

Other pie issues: Pie Police doing roadside checks, pull over pie truck and find a pie not sealed correctly inside truck. Workplace check, pies not wearing safety vests. Pies exploding on production line.

Peter “Danger” Rowsthorn (yes, he was one of the cast members) tests the effects of myxomatosis on rabbits. He injects himself with myxo and goes lives with rabbits for a week. After that time he has gone blind, but the sex is amazing!

Sydney Harbour, is it big enough to hold all of Sydney’s sewage?

Is Maggie Tabera a real life “Splash!” She her rubbish bins only contain tuna cans, Try tracking her down to throw a bucket of water on her to see what happens. Point to obvious signs, big eyes, blubber, blow hole covered by hair.

Associated story: A whale that washed up on a beach refuses to go back in the water, while Japanese are there.

Ambulance Service now has to do pizza deliveries to make up funding shortfalls. Re-enactment of ambulance staff asking patient in the back if they can break a $50 so they can deliver pizza before the “30mins or it is free” rule kicks in.

After the break: We reunite two boulders torn apart in a volcanic eruption of 4,000,000 BC.

So that’s the kind of stuff I was thinking of nearly twenty years ago. I don’t know what is sadder, my humour not changing, or many of those issues still making headlines.