Yesterday marked eight years since my marriage ended. After coming home from a long day at work, I was confronted with an empty house, apart from the fridge, the washing machine, and the large pile of clothes on the laundry floor, very few of which were mine.

So I did the only rational thing I could do, I washed the clothes, dried the clothes, folded the clothes, and basically spent the night wondering where to next. After all, this was all a bit of a shock, mind you in hindsight, I should have known something was wrong. Two days previously, my birthday was ignored in every way possible, not that I celebrate them at all, but that’s another story.

The next day, I headed off to work, and when I returned home that night, the fridge, washing machine, and all the clothes were also gone. Mmmm, this was starting to get serious.

To cut a long story short, the marriage was over, and never since then has it looked like getting to a point of amicable discussion. In fact, the ex has only spoken to me on three occasions since then, if you can call being sworn at speaking.

While I am happy the marriage is over, it still bites every year, because it also marks the point where lots of changes started to happen in my life. I try to keep things low key, but I still get stressed out by it all, because I am reminded of those times. No amount of trying to avoid it, or put myself in a happy place, something always crops up.

It also remains this way until after Christmas. I’m constantly doing that fine balancing trick, between worthwhile member of society, and someone talking to be though a megaphone, telling me to put the gun down, come down off the building, and let’s let you have a nice rest in a nice place with padded walls.

You see, I’ve been alone now for many years, with no family contact. It’s not because they have died or anything nice like that, we just don’t have anything to do with each other, their choice. But from mid October, all the stores look to flog off as much Christmas crap as possible, for maximum profit to spread good will to you, and your family. That’s the bit that gets to me. The constant reference to spending time with your family, be happy with your family, show your family how much you love them. It’s all bullshit. If you really cared, you would do all of this all year round. To compound the problem for me, my eldest child was born on December 25, so it’s a fairly emotional time of year anyway.

So why am I sharing all this with you all? Well to be honest, I really don’t know, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I guess it also serves as a product warning, that if I do something you find really shitty in the next few months, or if you think I’m being a really nasty bitch, you now know why.

Thankfully this year though, I have someone special in my life, someone to share it with. I just hope I don’t stress them out too much, with my “Which Personality Is It This Hour” thing. I really am trying, really I am, it’s just a bit to much pressure at times.